You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
