She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
