I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
