I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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