My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
