I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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