I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
