five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
