OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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