If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
