the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
