He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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