getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
tell me about the fingering
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
