i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
