Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
