come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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