he puts the penis in happiness.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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