good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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