She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
