This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
