bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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