i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
