Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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