I think im going to throw up on grandma
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
