Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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