so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
