I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
