chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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