My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
