Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
