I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
