4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
