Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
