I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
