When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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