i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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