bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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