I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
