I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
