Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
