Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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