yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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