I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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