I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
