i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
