I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
