I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
