I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
