Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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