She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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