I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
