He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
