I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
