Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
